This title does sound rather dreary...or "Woody-Allen-esk" (whichever you subscribe to, depression or depression mixed with witty humor). Nothing like a weekend excursion to a trampoline park to show you how much you have deteriorated in your physical stamina since being a child. Good lord, I thought of myself as being a fairly athletic person, but after about 5 minutes jumping about at Skyzone I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest. Perhaps the movement was just very strenuous...but perhaps not, due to the fact that my shoulder now feels like it has been dislocated and I felt as though my knees were going to buckle after several rough landings. I will cherish my knees, back, and shoulders in this state, as they are bound to get worse with time. I do think I need to credit my three year stint at the nursing home with my now below par back - but moving forward I need to sign back up at the very enjoyable establishment...massage envy. Ah soft music, herbal tea, and all for a ridiculously high price - what could be better.
Mondays are very two-faced, they either go south very quickly or north at a more steady pace. Lucky for me this Monday was tolerable and I even secured a meeting with a great referral source that I need to buddy up with. Cherishing the little wins is part of surviving in the world of sales...the constant beat-down of negativity can pulverize any salespersons' optimism if not interspersed with some success (however small). Monday or not, irony always finds its way into my life - I had to give a presentation today at a LTC community on "positive thinking"...the director of this community will never return my calls or answer my emails even though he expects me to be at his beck-and-call. Nonetheless, unsure of what else to do I prepared for the topic he had suggested (and surely forgotten about) a month prior. My segment went over well as a crowd of smiling seniors stared back at me nodding in agreement about how we should all adapt a more positive outlook. Unfortunately, the next two speakers had to announce that three well-loved staff members have decided to resign and three members of the community had died the night before...so naturally my point was quickly mute.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Most Unfortunate of Neighbors
Sharing walls is highly overrated...especially when you have neighbors that function at the oddest hours of the day. When I saw the moving truck several weeks ago, little did I know that I would be sharing a common wall with quite possibly the most obnoxious neighbors of all time. Yes, I live next to a 30-something-year-old who thinks that this condo building is a dorm, smokes like a chimney, must be dabbling in illegal drugs, and is dating a psychopath - ahhh homeowner bliss...
After hearing the screaming matches that ensue at least three nights (or mornings rather since this takes place at 3am) per week, I am hesitant to approach my neighbor directly to complain about the serious noise violations that are being committed. People may say "be a friendly neighbor and approach them directly, surely they will be more courteous in the future"...I don't think these people remember that anybody could be packin. From my limited knowledge of this man this is what I have deduced so far...
1) He is in a seriously strained relationship with a woman that lives in IL and shows up a few nights per week in the middle of the night (at first I thought prostitute, but he is giving her his spot in the parking garage so perhaps this is a very ghetto version of Pretty Woman)
2) He barbecues around 10am
3) His vocabulary is primarily composed of: F*CK, F*CK YOU, F*CK HER, F*CK HIM - yes he formulates very primitive sentences around these words and phrases.
4) He must be a drug dealer: he works odd hours of the day, different cars show up all the time...and he is awake 20 hours per day (highly irregular - especially since I am someone that requires the fulll eight hours of sleep to function)
5) I am doing everything in my power to get him evicted.
After making several complaints to the association and the fact that they dislike "renters" in the first place, I have to hold onto the hope that its only a matter of time before he is kicked to the curb.
Alas, tomorrow is Friday and that always brings a gleeful twinkle to my eye! I live for the weekends and even though this one is supposed to be cold and rainy, I still welcome it with open arms! I see pancakes and sleeping in, in my near future.
After hearing the screaming matches that ensue at least three nights (or mornings rather since this takes place at 3am) per week, I am hesitant to approach my neighbor directly to complain about the serious noise violations that are being committed. People may say "be a friendly neighbor and approach them directly, surely they will be more courteous in the future"...I don't think these people remember that anybody could be packin. From my limited knowledge of this man this is what I have deduced so far...
1) He is in a seriously strained relationship with a woman that lives in IL and shows up a few nights per week in the middle of the night (at first I thought prostitute, but he is giving her his spot in the parking garage so perhaps this is a very ghetto version of Pretty Woman)
2) He barbecues around 10am
3) His vocabulary is primarily composed of: F*CK, F*CK YOU, F*CK HER, F*CK HIM - yes he formulates very primitive sentences around these words and phrases.
4) He must be a drug dealer: he works odd hours of the day, different cars show up all the time...and he is awake 20 hours per day (highly irregular - especially since I am someone that requires the fulll eight hours of sleep to function)
5) I am doing everything in my power to get him evicted.
After making several complaints to the association and the fact that they dislike "renters" in the first place, I have to hold onto the hope that its only a matter of time before he is kicked to the curb.
Alas, tomorrow is Friday and that always brings a gleeful twinkle to my eye! I live for the weekends and even though this one is supposed to be cold and rainy, I still welcome it with open arms! I see pancakes and sleeping in, in my near future.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Figment Of My Imagination And Unfortunate Artic Blast
Waking up to four inches of snow was quite the surprise this morning as it had just been 65 degrees on Saturday...I had to dawn the ole' winter garb once again...one does get tired of trudging through the winter slop. Naturally I had just finished washing the car this weekend and it was in pristine condition - that didn't last long as I was blasted with sleet all day long. Car washing days do have an uncanny habit of landing on days before torrential rain (or sleet in this case). Nonetheless the on the bright side of things there was not an inch of salt on the roads to corrode the paint on my car, on the not so bright side of things...there was ice that formed underneath all the sludge. You can not win in these types of situations.
I received my semi-annual bill in the mail today from an entity who I am convinced is actually a figment of my imagination...my insurance agent. Not only have I never met my insurance agent, I have never even spoken to him on the phone. Like many of the referral sources that I hunt day in and day out, he will not return my calls. No matter how many voicemails I leave I never hear back from my "agent" whose name is apparently "Sean", but I have my doubts. His assistant is apparently his liaison to all of his clients. The only thing I know is that he has taken away another one of my discounts and every 6 months I seem to owe more on my insurance even though I haven't had any accidents. Sigh...I am just another residual income for this apparition named Sean. One thing that is definitely real is the check that I have to mail in that is promptly cashed even if I have back-dated the check. Banks these days, no wonder we have identity theft when they can not even honor the date on a check. Perhaps I will start my own insurance company and cast my dog Chloe as the "agent" and work as her assistant mailing bills and collecting the price increases...one can dream you know.
Tomorrow holds promise as I have a meeting at a very agreeable establishment, Fro Yo. I am not afraid to invite referral sources out for some good old frozen yogurt to break the ice with delicious toppings and flavors! Starbucks is pricey and overrated not to mention the stench of coffee and boiled milk that permeates your clothing and skin for at least a week if you spend more that 10 minutes inside. This does not stop me from meeting my friend and previous coworker there at least once a week for lunch though...I just bring cheezits instead of drinking my favorite 400 calorie and $4 hot chocolate and change clothes as soon as humanely possible.
I received my semi-annual bill in the mail today from an entity who I am convinced is actually a figment of my imagination...my insurance agent. Not only have I never met my insurance agent, I have never even spoken to him on the phone. Like many of the referral sources that I hunt day in and day out, he will not return my calls. No matter how many voicemails I leave I never hear back from my "agent" whose name is apparently "Sean", but I have my doubts. His assistant is apparently his liaison to all of his clients. The only thing I know is that he has taken away another one of my discounts and every 6 months I seem to owe more on my insurance even though I haven't had any accidents. Sigh...I am just another residual income for this apparition named Sean. One thing that is definitely real is the check that I have to mail in that is promptly cashed even if I have back-dated the check. Banks these days, no wonder we have identity theft when they can not even honor the date on a check. Perhaps I will start my own insurance company and cast my dog Chloe as the "agent" and work as her assistant mailing bills and collecting the price increases...one can dream you know.
Tomorrow holds promise as I have a meeting at a very agreeable establishment, Fro Yo. I am not afraid to invite referral sources out for some good old frozen yogurt to break the ice with delicious toppings and flavors! Starbucks is pricey and overrated not to mention the stench of coffee and boiled milk that permeates your clothing and skin for at least a week if you spend more that 10 minutes inside. This does not stop me from meeting my friend and previous coworker there at least once a week for lunch though...I just bring cheezits instead of drinking my favorite 400 calorie and $4 hot chocolate and change clothes as soon as humanely possible.
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Doctor/Model Who is Neither Doctor Nor Model
Ah Springtime in the Midwest...the weather will hopefully begin to break soon (and not into a tornadic state as it did last week), the days are getting longer, my attention span at work is getting shorter, and the landscapers are out in full-force.
I have had many run ins with the "street-yellers" of the opposite sex, but never before have I experienced encounters with the landscaping breed. They can usually be found in hoards of at least five and are usually making more of a mess of the area then improving the "beautification" of the grounds and spending more time looking about their surroundings than concentrating on the job at hand. Dressed in my usual attire I proceeded to walk in to a hospital and caught the attention of these individuals digging amongst the flower beds. I thought I had avoided verbal contact as I made it to the door (where I was unfortunately told that being a vendor I could not proceed to the correct area without an appointment), but alas my return to my car was in too close a proximity for the landscapers to forget. They proceeded to tell me they thought I looked like a number of things (too bad the woman at the front desk didn't think I looked like a doctor) as I hurried by. Little did they know that I am simply an underpaid sales rep who needs a vacation more than my next breath of oxygen...But perhaps this scenario was better than more crude run ins with several members of the Springfield population. Maybe I should have become a doctor or taken up a higher paying position as I would like to retire, um yesterday.
As the weather continues to improve I am sure that I will be able to lessen the number of run ins with landscapers as I will be sprinting to get inside my destinations, with the inferno that this city becomes in the dead of summer. The air conditioning system in my car will be up for a grueling challenge indeed.
I have had many run ins with the "street-yellers" of the opposite sex, but never before have I experienced encounters with the landscaping breed. They can usually be found in hoards of at least five and are usually making more of a mess of the area then improving the "beautification" of the grounds and spending more time looking about their surroundings than concentrating on the job at hand. Dressed in my usual attire I proceeded to walk in to a hospital and caught the attention of these individuals digging amongst the flower beds. I thought I had avoided verbal contact as I made it to the door (where I was unfortunately told that being a vendor I could not proceed to the correct area without an appointment), but alas my return to my car was in too close a proximity for the landscapers to forget. They proceeded to tell me they thought I looked like a number of things (too bad the woman at the front desk didn't think I looked like a doctor) as I hurried by. Little did they know that I am simply an underpaid sales rep who needs a vacation more than my next breath of oxygen...But perhaps this scenario was better than more crude run ins with several members of the Springfield population. Maybe I should have become a doctor or taken up a higher paying position as I would like to retire, um yesterday.
As the weather continues to improve I am sure that I will be able to lessen the number of run ins with landscapers as I will be sprinting to get inside my destinations, with the inferno that this city becomes in the dead of summer. The air conditioning system in my car will be up for a grueling challenge indeed.
The Devil Wears An Unrecognizable Brand Of Clothing
Unfortunately, unlike Anne Hathaway I do not receive free designer clothes at my place of employment...rather constant ridicule and displays of dissatisfaction. It does make one less eager to set foot even within five miles of the office, but alas I have no choice but to toil through Wednesday meetings. It is a shame really due to the fact that everyone else in the office is wonderful. As they say...one rotten apple spoils the bunch.
Even so, my current situation far exceeds that of my experience in the corporate world. I have had enough praying before staff meetings to last me several lifetimes and that time clock was enough to drive anyone to madness. I have traded that misery for a lesser punishment - which mainly concerns my mental health on Wednesdays and the sacrifice of my automobile. Yes, my car is as worn down as a street-walker and unlike Pretty Woman, Richard Gere is not going to come by and sweep it off its feet. I watch powerless as the odometer clicks away my extended warranty. Thank goodness for the good gas mileage though, which has even improved as I have worn in the engine quite sufficiently. Speaking of gas prices, they are a force to be reckoned with...I have never watched gas prices as religiously as I do now...the life of an outside sales rep who does not have the luxury of a company car.
Even so, my current situation far exceeds that of my experience in the corporate world. I have had enough praying before staff meetings to last me several lifetimes and that time clock was enough to drive anyone to madness. I have traded that misery for a lesser punishment - which mainly concerns my mental health on Wednesdays and the sacrifice of my automobile. Yes, my car is as worn down as a street-walker and unlike Pretty Woman, Richard Gere is not going to come by and sweep it off its feet. I watch powerless as the odometer clicks away my extended warranty. Thank goodness for the good gas mileage though, which has even improved as I have worn in the engine quite sufficiently. Speaking of gas prices, they are a force to be reckoned with...I have never watched gas prices as religiously as I do now...the life of an outside sales rep who does not have the luxury of a company car.
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