The glories of the sales world...numerous as they are, there is nothing more enjoyable than attending a conference chalk full of your competitors. Truly this is an experience to behold. Especially if the experience involves you all riding in one car to your destination that happens to be two hours away. If you had not already guessed...I was in the front seat.
After the usual introductions were made it was time to take turns telling the others how you got into "our beloved" industry. Most of the accounts are surely fabricated, but it is nonetheless entertaining as each one tries to demonstrate their superior passion for their work. You can not but help to feel gleeful at the mention of another struggling with their sales for the year - because this may mean that you are faring better.
Being salespeople we can not bare to have more than several moments of silence so we continue on the conversation over commonly available topics. Naturally the topics are all surface and no one is delving much into the personal at this point, much like a first date. After two hours together we arrive at our destination and are shuffled into a room full of more competitors...now we feel security in our group and stick together, because clearly the others can't be trusted. As all conferences go, the first speakers drag on covering an array of boring topics. At about 11 o'clock the choir of rumbling stomachs begins as the presenters push us to the outer limits of starvation trying to get their last point across. When we are finally released, it is much like a horse race as we all gallop off to the dining room before we faint. Sales conferences are famous for serving everyone the exact same dish, which you have no say in determining to begin with. I love salad as much as the next person, but when you are starving you want more than field greens with three slices of chicken and a stale roll...Even so, we have all eaten within 5 minutes and begin talking amongst ourselves. Many trying to make benign jokes at the others' expense to liven the atmosphere.
As the afternoon progresses, we all begin to check the time and find solace in the fact that no one really wants to spend a thirteen hour work day here. If there is someone that does, we don't associate with that person. Before the reception a small group of us park ourselves at the hotel bar for a club soda. At this point in the day we have all moved on to personal conversations and are bored of our purposes for really being at the event to begin with. There is always someone at the table giving advice to someone else and pretty soon the entire group joins in. The stories and comments are very animated, due to the gregarious nature of everyone taking part and the conversation ends with warm smiles and knee slapping. I do enjoy this part of the day and have gotten extensive life advice from my companions who are at least 20 years my seniors.
Soon after we mingle our way to the reception room where everyone heads straight for the bar. Upon discovering that it is an open bar, it is easy to distinguish the alcoholics from the social drinkers. The liquor and beer is cheap, but that seems of no concern to most people as we all thrive on free handouts.
Thank goodness for the appetizers. After scarfing down about 10 crab cakes and three mounds of fruit I feel energized to "work the room". Drifting from one group to the next is not difficult, especially because all of the most social people tend to gather together, so after a few dud conversations I park myself with a group near the chips and salsa (clearly kindred spirits). We discuss the days events and greet anyone new entering the room. Not long after the food begins to disappear we are all ready to hit the road and head home.
The return drive is enjoyable as we truly have become "friendly competitors" and the promises of helping each other fill the air as lunch invitations are already being made (especially due to the existence of expense accounts).
We all return to our normal routines the next day and are anxious to spend the next evening lounging on the couch in more comfortable attire.
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