Its not everyday that a real tornado, not just those pesky 50mph wind gusts, actually comes barreling through your city...good thing I was out of town.
I spent the Easter holiday eating endless meals and then walking around the city with my family, trying to work off all of the food that I continued to consume. Like every other holiday weekend the time flew by at break neck speed and before I knew it I was boarding the plane again, home bound. The flight attendant was straight out of an episode of "What Not To Wear" and seemed a bit unconcerned with procedure during the flight. However, I should not complain as that is a stark (and welcome) contrast to hysterical flight attendants I have had in the past who make you feel as if the plane is going to crash and burn at any moment...
Upon returning home I felt as though I had entered the weather channel series "Storm Stories" and was relieved to find the house was still in one piece - although the ever present battle with the neighbors for piece, quiet, and no drugs rages on. As our pilot on the flight had mentioned...there is "alot of water going on here". Still raining with no end in sight, we now have flood warnings popping up across different counties. Surely there are some people bracing for the apocalypse with all these catastrophic weather events we have had lately. My home owner's insurance renewal policy came in the mail today, quite fitting as it seems I need to beef up my coverage in case of disaster.
Lunch was odd today, met an old coworker for lunch, enjoyed her company BUT the waiter did not understand the difference between: milk, cream, and cheese...ok they are all from the same thing, but in completely different forms. After assuring me that the sauce contained "cream" and not "cheese", my food arrived smothered in cheese...after two send-backs I gave up and ordered dessert as we were running out of time. The waiter gave me a cross look when I ordered the "cheesecake"...clearly this man did not understand that all just because it has the word cheese in it, doesn't mean that it tastes the same. So today my food intake was extremely peculiar: cheesecake, easter jellybeans, sauteed green beans, and leftover mashed potatoes. Clearly not the picture of health, to be fair there is not enough food in the house and I believe I have eaten my weight three times over in food this weekend - so there seem to be some reserves.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Miracle Of Frog Tape And Presence Of Moisture
Michael Angelo sure must have had a time painting the Sistine Chapel, last night (around 7pm to be exact) I thought "What a good time to start repainting the bathroom ceiling!"... HA think again self - I should have remembered the long hours and excruciating arm pain when I painted the master bedroom last year. I will say that "frog tape" is far superior to the typical "blue painters tape" (and the green color is more novel). It does work great at creating clean lines....BUT when you have a bathroom wall with very very VERY old flat paint on the walls that has absorbed moisture for decades...be prepared. As I began removing the tape - it took quite a bit of the wall paint with it...not a pretty picture. After collecting some paint fragments I am heading to Lowe's in between sales calls today to see about reviving this color so that I may repair the tears in the wall paint and "de-ghetto" my bathroom with better ceilings.
Future formula for estimating paint time: (Square Footage + Age of Existing Paint) x infinity + 3 hours for climbing up and down the ladder and washing paint off of your hands and ladder = HIRE A PROFESSIONAL!
Maybe it was the paint fumes, but I also endured the most terrible nightmare I have had in years...you know you have had a bad dream when you wake up and say out loud "Wow that was terrible". Dreams are the worst when they have any kind of a foothold in reality - I would like to have a good dream based in reality, lets try for that tonight!
Future formula for estimating paint time: (Square Footage + Age of Existing Paint) x infinity + 3 hours for climbing up and down the ladder and washing paint off of your hands and ladder = HIRE A PROFESSIONAL!
Maybe it was the paint fumes, but I also endured the most terrible nightmare I have had in years...you know you have had a bad dream when you wake up and say out loud "Wow that was terrible". Dreams are the worst when they have any kind of a foothold in reality - I would like to have a good dream based in reality, lets try for that tonight!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Shock of Muscle Fatigue and an Abandoned Mercedes
Spring weather has finally decided to grace us with its presence! This is a time to be cherished, flowers are blooming, leaves are coming out, all before allergy season smacks us in the face. Fellow allergy sufferers know that dreaded time of year well.
Due to the glorious temperatures and sunshine today, I thought what better than to go for a good ole fashioned run in the great outdoors, instead of running inside the gym while watching Opera (I can do that any day). Nothing better than hitting the trail and enjoying the serene views of nature. I definitely realized today that because of the volume level in the gym from the televisions, background music, and yelling from personal trainers, I have been listening to my ipod at ear-shattering decibels. Upon turning my ipod up to my customary volume level, I quickly realized that I was providing musical entertainment for the entire park...so I took it down several notches...I have no doubt done permanent damage to my hearing.
Any who, I began my journey around the lake and under-calculated the strain that running all the way around and back to my vehicle would put on my body. As they say, training is key and although I do consider myself to be a runner, when you are suddenly completing nearly triple your normal routine - there can be severe consequences. During exercise, with music and comical passersby entertaining you, it can be easy to overlook the pain you are beginning to feel and the blister that is growing to the size of a golf ball. About half way through my route, I looked across the lake and saw the tiny spec that was my parking lot...I had a long road left to go. Every runner knows there is nothing better than the sight of your car as you approach the end of your gruelling journey. Straggling along the remainder of the trail I just barely made it into the front seat without collapsing from exhaustion.
Upon my arrival home, even though my travel time had been below 30 minutes, my muscles had had enough time to succumb to extreme fatigue. Getting out of the car and up the stairs from the garage was quite a challenge. I felt much like Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother - for those with good taste in television) when he ran an entire marathon without training and then got trapped on the subway because he could no longer move his legs when he finished. To say the least, keeping my legs elevated the entire evening has been essential. Heavens knows that tomorrow I will be hobbling from appointment to appointment...I may have to borrow one of our clients electric scooters... we shall see.
Traffic problems abound in this city. But there are always those truely bizarre traffic obstacles that really do not make sense. While my muscles were giving out during my post-run drive home, I discovered that the reason traffic was backed up for 5 miles, was that someone had left a new Mercedes in the left lane of a major street...There was no one in the car or in sight nearby and the car was on with lights flashing...extreme circumstances can occur, but I knew it would be only a matter of time before someone would make off with this 100k car with the keys left so carelessly in the ignition. There are plenty of questionable vans and infamous dodge neons that litter the sides of the highway with "Tow Warnings" plastered to the side window, but its not everyday you come across a Mercedes in prime condition left on the street nonetheless.
Due to the glorious temperatures and sunshine today, I thought what better than to go for a good ole fashioned run in the great outdoors, instead of running inside the gym while watching Opera (I can do that any day). Nothing better than hitting the trail and enjoying the serene views of nature. I definitely realized today that because of the volume level in the gym from the televisions, background music, and yelling from personal trainers, I have been listening to my ipod at ear-shattering decibels. Upon turning my ipod up to my customary volume level, I quickly realized that I was providing musical entertainment for the entire park...so I took it down several notches...I have no doubt done permanent damage to my hearing.
Any who, I began my journey around the lake and under-calculated the strain that running all the way around and back to my vehicle would put on my body. As they say, training is key and although I do consider myself to be a runner, when you are suddenly completing nearly triple your normal routine - there can be severe consequences. During exercise, with music and comical passersby entertaining you, it can be easy to overlook the pain you are beginning to feel and the blister that is growing to the size of a golf ball. About half way through my route, I looked across the lake and saw the tiny spec that was my parking lot...I had a long road left to go. Every runner knows there is nothing better than the sight of your car as you approach the end of your gruelling journey. Straggling along the remainder of the trail I just barely made it into the front seat without collapsing from exhaustion.
Upon my arrival home, even though my travel time had been below 30 minutes, my muscles had had enough time to succumb to extreme fatigue. Getting out of the car and up the stairs from the garage was quite a challenge. I felt much like Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother - for those with good taste in television) when he ran an entire marathon without training and then got trapped on the subway because he could no longer move his legs when he finished. To say the least, keeping my legs elevated the entire evening has been essential. Heavens knows that tomorrow I will be hobbling from appointment to appointment...I may have to borrow one of our clients electric scooters... we shall see.
Traffic problems abound in this city. But there are always those truely bizarre traffic obstacles that really do not make sense. While my muscles were giving out during my post-run drive home, I discovered that the reason traffic was backed up for 5 miles, was that someone had left a new Mercedes in the left lane of a major street...There was no one in the car or in sight nearby and the car was on with lights flashing...extreme circumstances can occur, but I knew it would be only a matter of time before someone would make off with this 100k car with the keys left so carelessly in the ignition. There are plenty of questionable vans and infamous dodge neons that litter the sides of the highway with "Tow Warnings" plastered to the side window, but its not everyday you come across a Mercedes in prime condition left on the street nonetheless.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Endless Slu Of Workshops, Wildlife Warnings, And An Impulsive Shopping Trip: Part Two
There is nothing like waking up at the crack of dawn to attend the second day of a sales conference. After stumbling out of bed and dawning my business attire I was off for my quarter mile (uphill) trek to the banquet hall. Luckily there was breakfast being served and I grabbed the first hostess I could find to make sure that I would be able to get my morning caffeine fix. Breakfast was satisfactory for the most part, except the eggs left much to be desired and I am sure they were poured from a carton into the skillet. Nonetheless I was slightly more awake by the end of the meal.
Immediately after breakfast we embarked on the five hour journey (or "safari" as they called it) through workshops. One can only take in so much information at once, but I got the gist of the message - healthcare reform is a mess, no one even knows what the exact policy terms will be, all of our agencies are going to suffer loses - cheery huh? We broke in the middle for lunch and then returned to our meetings. As if all that time together wasn't enough, we were invited to a happy hour scavenger hunt until 6pm. I opted out of this final event of the day, as the prizes were unappealing and the prices at the cash bar were outrageous. I felt that my time would be much better spent gallivanting off to the nearby outlet mall...
Outlet malls are always a big mistake, sucked in by the seemingly low prices and deals to be had - I entered into this collection of 110 stores like a moth to the flame. There I encountered my greatest outlet mall weakness...Coach. It isn't every day that I am able to feast my eyes upon hundreds of reasonably priced (ok lets be honest, nothing in the store was reasonably priced) Coach purses. It wasn't long before I was deciding between three and kept a death grip on my final choice as I made my way to the register. This purchase was justified by the fact that I have no "summer purses" and clearly that is the next season, so it seemed only natural that I prepare. What came to follow was equally shameful...a new watch, a pair of shoes...this was the most expensive conference that I have ever attended.
After snagging some Applebee's curbside I returned to my hotel room laden with purchases. What I came to discover next was most unfortunate...our conference theme "Its a Jungle Out There" wasn't too far off. I found an insect warning card on my night stand. This horrifying piece of literature told of the dangers of brown recluse spiders, scorpions, and a number of other "wildlife" common in this area of the country....just what I wanted to read before trying to get some sleep. On top of my normal fear of spiders I now had to contend with potentially lethal night time visitors. As you can imagine I had some difficulty falling asleep. Needless to say I am glad this conference is only once a year - I am eager to return home to my urban comforts.
Immediately after breakfast we embarked on the five hour journey (or "safari" as they called it) through workshops. One can only take in so much information at once, but I got the gist of the message - healthcare reform is a mess, no one even knows what the exact policy terms will be, all of our agencies are going to suffer loses - cheery huh? We broke in the middle for lunch and then returned to our meetings. As if all that time together wasn't enough, we were invited to a happy hour scavenger hunt until 6pm. I opted out of this final event of the day, as the prizes were unappealing and the prices at the cash bar were outrageous. I felt that my time would be much better spent gallivanting off to the nearby outlet mall...
Outlet malls are always a big mistake, sucked in by the seemingly low prices and deals to be had - I entered into this collection of 110 stores like a moth to the flame. There I encountered my greatest outlet mall weakness...Coach. It isn't every day that I am able to feast my eyes upon hundreds of reasonably priced (ok lets be honest, nothing in the store was reasonably priced) Coach purses. It wasn't long before I was deciding between three and kept a death grip on my final choice as I made my way to the register. This purchase was justified by the fact that I have no "summer purses" and clearly that is the next season, so it seemed only natural that I prepare. What came to follow was equally shameful...a new watch, a pair of shoes...this was the most expensive conference that I have ever attended.
After snagging some Applebee's curbside I returned to my hotel room laden with purchases. What I came to discover next was most unfortunate...our conference theme "Its a Jungle Out There" wasn't too far off. I found an insect warning card on my night stand. This horrifying piece of literature told of the dangers of brown recluse spiders, scorpions, and a number of other "wildlife" common in this area of the country....just what I wanted to read before trying to get some sleep. On top of my normal fear of spiders I now had to contend with potentially lethal night time visitors. As you can imagine I had some difficulty falling asleep. Needless to say I am glad this conference is only once a year - I am eager to return home to my urban comforts.
The Epic Journey To The Ozarks: Part One
Oh google maps...how shall thee cause me to waste gas next time? Ever since the loss of my Sprint navigation feature (which was the only positive thing about Sprint, wrong 30% of the time, and only worked if you could get a signal) I have been reliant on google maps to get around to places that I have never ventured to before. Thursday afternoon was no different, after finally getting on the road for the annual sales conference in the Ozarks a mere 40 minutes late due to the furniture delivery company's incompetence to arrive within the three hour window, I set off for my whirl wind adventure. Little did I know that half the journey would take me careening around wild turns as I flew down the back roads across the state and through some bizarre towns....For example I traveled through a place called "Iberia"...for a minute I thought that I had gotten so turned around that I had entered up in a Russian province, alas this was only the smallest ghost town in the state with an estimated 23 residents...I do not know how these people live...with no PF Chang's or even Subway in sight I was glad to leave this town in the dust! Then the real trouble came about two hours into my drive...I became trapped behind a manure truck...
I do not know why they were carting around, for lack of a better description, cow poop, but the smell was unmistakable. All the sweet pea air fresheners in the world could not have saved my car - I closed all the vents and tried to breathe as little as possible, but it was all too potent. I spent the next hour behind this unfortunate vehicle, traveling at 20mph below the speed limit and fully enraged the entire time. Not only was I nearly late to the beginning of the conference, but I do not think my nasal passages will ever recover from that trauma.
Once I arrived at the "resort" I realized that this must have been a nice hotel about 20 years ago, but it has long since passed its prime. The lobby and everything else for that matter, leave much to be desired and as I checked in I kept thinking to myself how grateful I was that this expense was going on the company credit card. My room was about 1/4 of a mile from the main building so I scrambled over there to change into my "evening wear" for the banquet.
There is still nothing like walking into a giant room of people when you do not know 98% of them. Half of them were rushing the bar so I was able to scope out the available tables. Lucky for me I spotted a friendly competitor and commandeered a seat at his table. My appetite returned just in time for dinner as the smell of manure had left my nose and I was ravenous to eat the sub par hotel "mystery chicken" and potatoes. During the banquet many awards were given to caregivers in our industry and their stories all had common themes: they were very underpaid, worked endless amounts of overtime, were willing to take an extra shift at a moments notice, and one woman had even left her father's death bed to care for a client...I must say if that is what you have to do these days to get recognized then I won't be expecting recognition any time soon.
I do not know why they were carting around, for lack of a better description, cow poop, but the smell was unmistakable. All the sweet pea air fresheners in the world could not have saved my car - I closed all the vents and tried to breathe as little as possible, but it was all too potent. I spent the next hour behind this unfortunate vehicle, traveling at 20mph below the speed limit and fully enraged the entire time. Not only was I nearly late to the beginning of the conference, but I do not think my nasal passages will ever recover from that trauma.
Once I arrived at the "resort" I realized that this must have been a nice hotel about 20 years ago, but it has long since passed its prime. The lobby and everything else for that matter, leave much to be desired and as I checked in I kept thinking to myself how grateful I was that this expense was going on the company credit card. My room was about 1/4 of a mile from the main building so I scrambled over there to change into my "evening wear" for the banquet.
There is still nothing like walking into a giant room of people when you do not know 98% of them. Half of them were rushing the bar so I was able to scope out the available tables. Lucky for me I spotted a friendly competitor and commandeered a seat at his table. My appetite returned just in time for dinner as the smell of manure had left my nose and I was ravenous to eat the sub par hotel "mystery chicken" and potatoes. During the banquet many awards were given to caregivers in our industry and their stories all had common themes: they were very underpaid, worked endless amounts of overtime, were willing to take an extra shift at a moments notice, and one woman had even left her father's death bed to care for a client...I must say if that is what you have to do these days to get recognized then I won't be expecting recognition any time soon.
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Random Movie From Australia
Generally speaking, the movies available for free viewing on "on demand" are sub-par in quality, but every once in awhile you stumble across something worth watching. Tonight was such an occasion...I have never seen a movie made down-under, but must say that I was rather impressed. With quite the interesting title, My Year Without Sex, I didn't know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was really just a movie about life, a family and the different trials and tribulations that they go through after the passing of a life altering event. The characters were quite interesting and "gritty", honestly it reminded me of a British film (but ah ha the connection between the Aussies and the UK is undeniable).
In pure British fashion the plot was chalk full of subtle side plotlines, meant to perhaps make you question your opinion of where things were headed, but in the end proved fruitless. Rarely have I come across a movie that makes you wonder at so many crucial points: is there son struggling with his sexuality? is the dog going to survive? is the main character going to find God? is the husband going to have an affair? is she ever going to get to have sex again? Yes, there were lots of random questions such as the above that the movie constructed. Luckily all the "uh oh" moments did not effect a generally uplifting ending - always a good thing for a Monday.
I did however unfortunately realize that tomorrow at the early hour of 8am I have to attend a networking/collaborative function for two hours...not really what I am in the mood for considering I will be at the sales conference Thursday night thru Saturday afternoon...Hopefully there will be breakfast provided - owing to the fact that my yearly membership dues were in the hundreds (thank goodness I didn't have to fork out that money). Hopefully there are some friendly and interesting people in attendance tomorrow. Last meeting I met several funeral directors...just not a profession that I can get used to or feel comfortable talking with for that matter.
In pure British fashion the plot was chalk full of subtle side plotlines, meant to perhaps make you question your opinion of where things were headed, but in the end proved fruitless. Rarely have I come across a movie that makes you wonder at so many crucial points: is there son struggling with his sexuality? is the dog going to survive? is the main character going to find God? is the husband going to have an affair? is she ever going to get to have sex again? Yes, there were lots of random questions such as the above that the movie constructed. Luckily all the "uh oh" moments did not effect a generally uplifting ending - always a good thing for a Monday.
I did however unfortunately realize that tomorrow at the early hour of 8am I have to attend a networking/collaborative function for two hours...not really what I am in the mood for considering I will be at the sales conference Thursday night thru Saturday afternoon...Hopefully there will be breakfast provided - owing to the fact that my yearly membership dues were in the hundreds (thank goodness I didn't have to fork out that money). Hopefully there are some friendly and interesting people in attendance tomorrow. Last meeting I met several funeral directors...just not a profession that I can get used to or feel comfortable talking with for that matter.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The Windy Day of Oddities and Breadsticks
Wind gusts today made me feel quite like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, typical of this time of year - Spring is blowing in with full force! These gail force winds tore loose some siding which is now hanging precariously from the topmost floor of the condo building...it seems to be in prime position to decapitate an innocent passerby (hopefully my neighbor) as it seems to be made of cheap metal/plastic, so I hurry by and encourage Chloe not to dilly-dally with her "business". We are due for some storms as the humidity continues to rise and the temperature difference between today and tomorrow will hover around 20 degrees. God bless surge protectors. And umbrellas for that matter.
Today was a typical day living next to the drug dealer. Strange cars (one of which is a Land Rover, that I am convinced is stolen), maniacal laughter, smoking meat (or heavens knows what), and way too many people in a one bedroom house to stay within "occupancy codes". Alas they are still here and I wait anxiously for the glorious day that they are evicted, back to that which they came - Illinois.
Breadsticks were in no short supply today, thanks to Olive Garden and their miracle of endless salad and breadsticks. I have surely consumed enough carbs to last me a month...and I am sure to consume more within the next 48 hours. Stay strong pancreas, stay strong.
Now to continue on with my most recent reading adventure The Angels Game, quite the unique novel de Barcelona. Chalk full of strange characters and an even stranger plot line. I am thankful that the days of reading over-priced school textbooks are behind me! Now I can lavish in my "freedom of reading choice" and devour as much of the fictional word as I please.
Today was a typical day living next to the drug dealer. Strange cars (one of which is a Land Rover, that I am convinced is stolen), maniacal laughter, smoking meat (or heavens knows what), and way too many people in a one bedroom house to stay within "occupancy codes". Alas they are still here and I wait anxiously for the glorious day that they are evicted, back to that which they came - Illinois.
Breadsticks were in no short supply today, thanks to Olive Garden and their miracle of endless salad and breadsticks. I have surely consumed enough carbs to last me a month...and I am sure to consume more within the next 48 hours. Stay strong pancreas, stay strong.
Now to continue on with my most recent reading adventure The Angels Game, quite the unique novel de Barcelona. Chalk full of strange characters and an even stranger plot line. I am thankful that the days of reading over-priced school textbooks are behind me! Now I can lavish in my "freedom of reading choice" and devour as much of the fictional word as I please.
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